11th

Why did I end up falling for you?
No matter how much time has passed,
I thought that you'd always be here.
But you have chosen a different road. 


Well, selamat ya buat hasil IELTSnya yg mencapai 6,5. Gue turut seneng lo bisa ngelewatin itu semua dan dapet hasil yang terbaik. Gue yakin lo udah yakin sama pilihan lo buat pergi kuliah ke Sing.
Dulu waktu gue denger Bu Ratna ngomong itu di kelas gue nanggepinnya biasa aja; "belajar yang bener, katanya mau kuliah di Singapur?" tapi sekarang gue baru sadar hal itu jadi penghalang buat gue. Gue ngerasa kenapa baru menyadarinya akhir-akhir sekolah. Saat masa SMA udah hampir berakhir.. But bisa dapet kesempatan sekelas sama lo aja gue udah seneng kok. Inget ga waktu kelas 11 itu gue benci banget sama lo karna lo yg udah nyindir gue di twitter waktu gue ngomongin tentang bola. Lo bilang lo juga kesel sama orang yang sotoy sok tau tapi pake ngetweet segala haha inget gak???? Tapi kenapa perasaan itu berubah 180 derajat..... Gue bahkan gak ngerti kenapa bisa ngerasain perasaan ini sama lo. Lo itu udah ngerubah gue, ngerubah gue dan membuat semangat gue buat ke sekolah semakin menyala. HAHAHA apaan sih gue..
Tapi jujur, gue jadi semangat ke sekolah kalo inget ada elo yang duduk di depan gue tadinya. Tapi setelah denah kelas diubah lo tetep sebaris sama gue, bedanya lo ada di depan meja guru gitu :p
Oh iya gue jadi keinget waktu mam Juwi bilang lo itu ganteng, kalo ditambah pinter lagi pasti pada naksir ato apa gitu ya.. Duh gue langsung mesem-mesem sendiri dengernya hehe
Semua hal-hal itu gue masih inget kok, apalagi sewaktu gue naek mobil lo pas mau foto yearbook. Lo.... gue udah ga tau lagi harus ngomong apa. Pas malemnya waktu lo bbm gue nanyain gue tadi gue pulang naek apa, pertama-tama gue ga langsung read bbm lo tapi gue nelvon sahabat gue dulu. Gue mau bilang ke mereka lo bbm gue!!! Ah lebay sih, tp ya emang gitu kenyataannya.
Udah deh malu gue jadinya ngebongkar semuanya hahaha habis sekarang gue juga ga ada kerjaan, yg ada mikirin elo lagi ngapain. Ya sebenernya intinya gue cuma mau bilang, lo hati-hati ya disana. Jaga diri ya... Gue yakin lo bisa survive dan lo bisa sukses sama kuliah lo. Lo harus tunjukin yang terbaik buat bokap nyokap lo. Terutama lo kan anak cowo pertama di keluarga.. Gue yakin lo bisa buat nyokap lo yang gue denger denger galak itu bangga sama lo :):):) setiap doa-doa gue akan gue sertakan juga nama lo supaya lo baik-baik aja disana nanti. Gue bingung harus ngomong apa... Susah rasanya mikir buat ngucapin selamat tinggal ke lo, kisah masa SMA gue. Kelak gue percaya, dan gue minta sama Tuhan supaya gue bisa dipertemukan lagi dengan lo. Keajaiban itu akan selalu ada kok :D
C, baik-baik ya disana. Apapun masalah lo itu, lo pasti bisa ngehadepin semuanya hehe babayy
*like you said to me*

Saturday, May 5th 2012

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, C.
Wish you all the best things in life.
May all your dreams and wishes come true.
I wish you the happiest of birthdays this year and ALWAYS. :)

"For me, you'll always be 18."

PS. The world can wait for me 'cause the past few nights I couldn't sleep. Yeah 'cause I've been thinking about you lately. The thought of you makes me crazy.


By the way, thank you for your responses. It was real and i still can't believe it! You've made my day.
Aaaaa :3 such a fairytale! :p

Wel, inside of me there are words waiting to come out and tell you how I feel, like how I miss you, how I love you, how I need you in my life, and especially how much I want you here forever by my side.
But those words may forever stay in my heart, locked inside.
Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too.

A lot has been changed in a year.
But my love for you will never ever change.

Remember: you have my full support in everything you do.
"Whenever you're happy, I'm happy."

Dear you, C.

Dear you,
As each day passed without you,
it gets harder and harder to bare.
Each of these days I seriously can't wait..
until the moment I see you again.

Diambil dari sebuah sinopsis novel

"Aku mencandu segala hal manis-- terutama dirimu. Seperti madu di ujung lidahku, kecupan terasa manis menghangatkan sekujur tubuhku dengan rona malu. Seperti tiga sendok gula untuk tehku. Entah sejak kapan hariku tak lagi lengkap tanpa kehadiranmu. Jadi maaf jika aku seperti tak tahu malu mengakui ini dihadapanmu. Tapi sungguh, aku teramat membutuhkanmu. Butuh sekian lama waktu untuk menyadari ini, tapi sekarang aku benar-benar percaya. Hanya kau yang kumau. Hanya kau yang mampu membuatku merindu. Katakan, apa jawabanmu? Harus seberapa lama lagi bibirku mengering karena menahan diri membisikkan cinta untukmu?"

Sebuah kisah

Ini kisah yang terjadi di bawah langit Kota Jakarta. Tentang harapan yang muncul di tengah keputusasaan. Tentang impian yang bertahan di antara keraguan. Dan tentang cinta yang memberikan alasan untuk bertahan hidup.

Saturday, February 11th

"I'm so thankful for the moments, so glad I got to know ya."
That day I and my classmates went to Calico together. But I can't tell you what happened in that day, the point is... I was very happy.
In the next day I woke up and realized that yesterday was only a dream.

February, 20th

Hari ini hari pertama ujian praktik. Gue nyesel banget rela nonton ujian tari sampe semua selese dan akhirnya sekarang gue baru sampe rumah -_- kadang kalo dibilang cinta itu buta Ada benernya juga ������

If only I could be yours....

Breaking Dawn Part 1

Ummm.. I hard to find words how good it was..
There are many conversations which i like most!

[after Edward has told Bella another wedding gift has arrived, he walks her away from the crowd]
Bella Swan: What's a wedding present doing out here?
Edward Cullen: Just a little more private.
[suddenly Jacob appears ahead of them]
Jacob Black: The best man didn't have time to get a tux.
Bella Swan: Jacob! Jacob!
[she runs towards him and jumps into his arms to hug him]
Bella Swan: Hey.
Edward Cullen: This is kind of you.
Jacob Black: Kind is my middle name.


Jacob Black: I'm sorry I'm late.
Bella Swan: It doesn't matter. Everything's perfect now.
Jacob Black: Dance with me?
[she steps closer to him and he picks her up to twirl her and then they start dancing]
Bella Swan: Where have you been? We were gonna put your face on a milk carton.
Jacob Black: I was in Northern Canada. I think. It's so weird to be back on two legs again and clothes. I fell out of practice with the whole human thing.
Bella Swan: Well are you okay? Being here?
Jacob Black: Why? Afraid I'll trash the party? You're not the only one. 


[as they continue to dance]
Jacob Black: You'd think I'd be used to telling you goodbye by now.
[Bella starts crying]
Jacob Black: Come on. You're not the one supposed to be crying, Bella.
Bella Swan: Everyone cries at weddings.
Jacob Black: This is how I'll remember you. Pink cheeks, two left feet, 
[he picks her up and twirls her and sets her down again]
Jacob Black: Heart beat.
Bella Swan: So what, soon I'm gonna be dead to you?
Jacob Black: No.


Jacob Black: I always knew you'd destroy her.
Edward Cullen: She thinks Carlisle can turn her at the last minute, like he did for me and Esme.
Jacob Black: Can he?
Edward Cullen: The probability is...is slight. And if her heart fails...
[he doesn't finish his sentence]
Edward Cullen: Look, Jacob, I need you to do something for me.
[Jacob gives a bitter laugh and turns from him]
Edward Cullen: For her. You have a connection with her that I'll never understand. Maybe you could talk to her, change her mind. You could keep her alive.
Jacob Black: And if I can't?
Edward Cullen: If she dies, you get what you always wanted. To kill me.


Jacob Black: Listen to me, Bella. Please! Just don't do this! Live, okay? Please!
Bella Swan: Jake, everything's gonna be okay.
[Jacob gets up to leave]
Bella Swan: Jacob, don't go!
Jacob Black: I know how this ends and I'm not sticking around to watch.
[he turns and leaves]


Jacob Black: Don't do that.
Bella Swan: What?
Jacob Black: Smile like I'm your favorite person in the world.
Bella Swan: You're one of them. It feels complete when you're here, Jake.


And, ada beberapa kata-kata menarik yang gue dapat dari novel-novelnya..


It’s not like love at first sight, really. It’s more like… gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it’s not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her… You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that’s a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother. 
Jacob Black, Eclipse, Chapter 8, p.176 


I’m in love with you, Bella. Bella, I love you. And I want you to pick me instead of him. I know you don’t feel that way, but I need the truth out there so that you know your options. I wouldn’t want a miscommunication to stand in our way. 
Jacob Black, Eclipse, Chapter 14, p.327


 Until your heart stops beating, Bella. I’ll be here — fighting. Don’t forget that you have options. 
Jacob Black, Eclipse, Chapter 15, p.330 

When he left, you spent all your energy holding on to him. You could be happy if you let go. You could be happy with me. 
Jacob Black, Eclipse, Chapter 15, p.333 

I really am sorry. About the other day, I mean, too. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. It was wrong. I guess . . . well, I guess I deluded myself into thinking you wanted me to. 
Jacob Black, Eclipse, Chapter 17, p.373 

I’m exactly right for you, Bella. It would have been effortless for us — comfortable, easy as breathing. I was the natural path your life would have taken… If the world was the way it was supposed to be, if there were no monsters and no magic… 

Jacob Black, Eclipse, Chapter 26, p.599

He’s like a drug for you, Bella. I see that you can’t live without him now. It’s too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun. 
Jacob Black, Eclipse, Chapter 26, p.599

I’m glad I came. I didn’t think I would be. But it’s good to see you… one more time. Not as sad as I’d thought it would be. 
Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 4, p.59

I’m just here to be your friend. Your best friend, one last time. 
Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 4, p.62 

You’d think I’d be used to telling you goodbye by now. 
Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 4, p.63 

You’re not supposed to be the one crying, Bella. 
Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 4, p.63 

That’s my girl. 
Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 4, p.64 

20112011 is not the same as 20092009

Waduh baru sempet ngeblog sekarang.. Padahal 20112011 itu punya makna tersendiri buat gue. Terutama ketika 20-09-2009 pukul 20:09.. Sesuatu yang engga akan pernah keulang untuk selamanya. Dia yang pernah ada di kehidupan gue. Waktu hari itu, hari Minggu tepatnya, perasaan gue gembira bukan main. Dia romantis... Dia juga pernah sms gue, "Aku boleh nanya sesuatu ga?", dan ternyata dia mau nanya "Adakah aku sedikit dihatimu?" JELAS ADA. Sampai sekarang pun masih gue simpan beberapa perasaan gue itu.
Well, semua itu udah berakhir. Tapi perasaan itu terkadang masih hadir.. Entah ketika gue liat fotonya kembali, hal-hal unik yang dulu gue lakuin sama dia, ketika dia marah sama gue, segala hal gokil dia yang buat gue ketawa.... itu semua engga bisa gue lupain. Cuma dia yang masih terngiang di benak gue. But sometimes gue ngerasa nyesel banget pernah menyianyiakan kesempatan yang udah dia kasih untuk keberapa kalinya. Bahkan ketika gue ngerasa engga ada kemungkinan lagi dia mau kasih kesempatan ke gue, dia pernah nulis status "in every impossible, there is a possible." Gue seneng banget. Banget. Ngerasa dengan PD, wah itu gue masih dikasih kisi-kisi sama dia bahwa gue masih mau dikasih kesempatan untuk ngerubah sikap gue. In fact, gue buang kesempatan itu begitu saja. In another words, gue mikir itu bisa jadi sesuatu yang positif untuk engga ngulang lagi ke depannya.
Gue masih inget salah satu kata-kata dia yang pernah gue denger pas dia ngomong sama temennya di Gonz Fest, "Gue sih pacar cukup satu tapi untuk selamanya." Terkadang gue engga percaya sama "forever".
Time goes by so fast.. Sekarang dia sudah sama yang baru, dan diakhir hubungan dia selalu bilang kalo gue lebih pantes dapetin orang lain yang bisa lebih buat gue nyaman dibandingkan dia. Sedih tapi senang juga.. Dia bisa ngelepasin gue dengan ikhlas. Kalo pun kamu baca blog ini, aku cuma mau bilang makasih banget ya udah ngasih aku kesempatan yang begitu banyak dan maaf aku engga bisa gunain kesempatan itu sebaik-baiknya. Kamu masih jadi yang terindah dan terbaik sampai saat ini. Doain aja ya aku dapat orang yang kamu inginkan buat aku dapetin biar kamu seneng... :")

Love is you
Love is you and only you
Love is no one else but you
I love you dear
- TRD (2009)


I'll sing this song for you.. "I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling, don't be afraid.. I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more.." - Christina Perri (A thousand years)

11-11-11

Dear you,
I wanna be the girl who makes your bad days better, the one that makes you say "my life has changed since I met her."

I love you. I want you. Right now.

Sincerely, me.
11-11-11

Terkadang gue ngerasa kalo ngandelin orang lain itu hasilnya diatas 50% mengecewakan. Gue udah sangat menjauhkan diri dari yang namanya ketergantungan sama orang. Actually, it isn't make us lebih untung atau pun jadi lebih terbantu.. Lebih baik kita mengandalkan diri sendiri, especially selalu mengandalkan pencipta kita, Tuhan. Because, gue udah ngerasain gimana rasanya terjebak disuatu masalah yang rumit banget, dan ketika kita cerita ke orang lain pun, mereka sama sekali engga bisa kasih apapun. Paling sekedar kata "sabar ya" atau kata kata minimalis lainnya. Jangankan cerita ke temen biasa, ke temen deket pun terkadang seperti engga ada bedanya. Semua sama aja, engga bisa bantu kita apa apa. Di dunia ini kita dituntut untuk hidup mandiri, dimana sekarang gue yakin masalah yang gue hadapin itu ya emang harus gue yang hadapin dan selesein semuanya. Orang lain cuma bisa bantu support atau pun mendoakan aja. Yang bisa bikin semua itu lancar dan sukses cuma 2; Tuhan dan diri kita sendiri.

Sekarang gue belajar buat sedikit egois. Belajar buat sedikit mendahulukan kepentingan gue dulu dibanding orang lain. Kadang gue mikir, kayaknya semua orang sama aja. Tapi semakin gue berpikir seperti itu semakin gue engga bisa mikir mana yang bener dan yang mana salah. Gue berusaha buat beri yang terbaik untuk kedua orang tua gue. Nilai nilai di semester 5 ini yang menurut gue udah cukup naik pesat itu, gue berharap bisa menyenangkan hati nyokap gue. Itu aja sih sebenernya, karena gue sebagai anak ngerasa engga pantes kalo udah di sekolahin mahal mahal tapi dibales dengan rasa males, ogah ogahan sekolah, nilai yang engga memuaskan. No offense dan jujur aja ya, emang bener kan tapi??? Gimana perasaan orang tua yang tau ternyata kelakuan anaknya kayak gitu sedangkan mereka udah cari nafkah untuk kita sampai kerja pontang panting sampe malem..

I'll be

I'll be your shining star to guide you
I'll be the air that you breathe
I'll give the strength you need
I'll be the light in your eyes when hopes became hard to see
I'll be your shining star to guide you wherever you are :)

Don't be afraid

Countless hours of learning more, countless hours of knowing less. Can't look behind you, You have to look ahead. So many doubts running through your mind, all the excuses, don't have the time, all the rejection, you have to leave behind. Leave it all behind!

Hold your dreams, Don't ever let it go. Be yourself and let the world take notice.

You'll find strength when people being you down. They will see If you will only, only believe.

Someway, somehow, don't give up now. DON'T BE AFRAID TO SUCCEED.

Sufjan Stevens - Futile Devices

“and I would say I love you, but saying it out loud is hard, so I won’t say it at all, and I won’t stay very long. But you are the life I needed all along. I think of you as my brother, although that sounds dumb,
and words are futile devices.”

Too sweet to forget...

I don't know what to do. I just feel like things are going complicated now. It's all about drama, love, lies, happiness, fake friends, family, problems, and tears. I confess. This pain is killing me. This hurts so bad, and i don't think that i can make it through the days in-front. But did you know? Time would help, anywhen.
When you miss me, just look up to the night sky and remember, i'm like a star; sometimes you can't see me, but i'm always there for you. But if someday we can't be together, and maybe i'll hate you, i swear i won't hate our memories we've been through. Too sweet to forget...
*big hug*

XOXO

Heart

I found a nice article from my friend's English Text Book! Check this out:

People believed for a long time that the heart was the center of a person's emotions. That is why the heart is used in so many expressions about emotional situations.

One such expression is to lose your heart to someone. When that happens you hava fallen in love. But if the person who "won your heart" does not love you, then you are sure to have a "broken heart". In your pain and sadness, you mau decide that person is "hard-hearted" and in fact, has a "heart of stone"

You may decide to "pour out your heart" to a friend. Telling someone about your personal problems can often make you feel better.

If your friend does not seem to understand how painful your broken heart is, you may ask him to "have a heart" . You are asking him to show some sympathy, to understand how important all this is to you. Your friend "has his heart in the right place" if he says he is sorry, and shows great concern for your situation.

He may, however, warn you "not wear your heart on your sleeve." In other words, do not let everyone see how lovesick you are. When your heart is on your sleeve, you are showing your deepest emotions.

If your friend says, "my heart bleeds for you," then he is a cold-hearted person who doesn't really care about his friends. What he is really saying is that his heart doesn't bleed for you. He is uncaring.

Let us turn from "affairs of the heart" or matter of love, to some other heart expressions about other emotions, courage, for example.

The word courage comes from the Latin word "cor" meaning a heart. Someone who is lacking courage is said to "lack heart"

The cowardly lion in the motion picture The Wizard of Oz believed he lacked heart. He was always afraid. So he mad a difficult trip to seek the mighty wizard of Oz, to ask for a heart.

You could say that the cowardly lion was "chickenhearted" . That is another way of describing someone who is not very brave. A chicken is noted for its bravery. Thus, someone who is chicken-hearted is not very barve or bold.

When you are frightened or concerned, your "heart is in your mouth." You might say, for example, that your heart was in your mouth when you asked the bank for more money.

If the bank says no to you, do not lose heart. Be "strong-hearted". Go to the bank. Sit down with the banker and have a "heart-to-heart" talk. Be open and honest. Explain your situation. As a result of this meeting, the bank may have a "change of heart" . It may agree to lend you the money. This would "put your heart at rest". You could stop worrying.

Find a guy

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds you hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're pretty without makeup on.
One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you.
The one who turns to his friends and says, that's her...

Live for something. Live for yourself.

You are human.
You can be anything. You can be everything.
Do not hate because someone broke your heart, or because your parents split up, your best friend betrayed you, your father hit you, the kid down the street called you fat, ugly, stupid, worthless.
Do not concern yourself with things you cannot control. Cry when you need to, then let go when it's time.
Don't hang onto painful memories just because you're afraid to forget.
Let go of things that are in the past. Forget things that aren't worth remembering. Stop taking things for granted.
Live for something. Live for yourself.

Fall in love. Fall out out of love. Fall in love. Fall out out of love.
Do this over and over until you know what it really is to love someone.
Question things. Tell people how you really feel. Sleep under the stars.

Create. Imagine. Inspire. Share something wonderful. Make something beautiful and then destroy it.
Meet new people. Make someone's day. Follow your dreams. Live your life to its full potential.
Just live, dammit.

Let go of all the horrible things in your life and just fucking live.
And one day, when you're old, look back with no regrets.
That's all.


XOXO